It was just last May, this very weekend actually, that Mary Heim and a network of volunteer HAM radio operators tested the emergency communication network. And I’m so glad they did! Because we might need their help today.
If you haven’t yet heard, the Rapture could happen on Saturday, May 21st. By “Rapture” I mean the really scary end of times, the last days of the Antichrist, depicted in films like A Thief in the Night (1972). Which I saw in 1980. For many years afterward I had nightmares about people disappearing, leaving their piles of clothes where they last stood. Planes fell out of the sky, unmanned cars flew off the roadways.
According to a Christian radio host named Harold Camping, that’s exactly what is going to happen on Saturday at 6pm local time, after a series of earthquakes that he says will start in Australia. When the Rapture comes, only the righteous will be taken up. The rest of us get left behind. Given the prevalence of pole-defacing, godless liberals in the neighborhood, we may very well be unaffected. You can read his full prediction here.
But just in case, I thought it might be prudent to point out a few things.
Wallingford Rapture Survival Guide
- Be sure you have a family emergency preparedness plan, and that your family knows what it is
- Emergency Kits. Have some.
- Read the CDC’s newest webpage, conveniently published just this week, Preparedness 101 : Zombie Apocalypse
- All Wallingford bars intend to operate normally. The Erotic Bakery, too.
- Wallyhood will also continue to operate normally, though staffing could become a concern. Jordan (who’s been to Burning Man, and was brazen enough to publish photographic evidence) and I (who will talk for beer) appreciate your patience. We’ll both be here, holding down the fort.
** Update: Mary Heim sent the following advice and information after this post was initially published: “Let people in Wallingford know that they can check to see if any of us are left after all the righteous have been “Hoovered” up to heaven by meeting at Meridian Playfield at our central community preparedness communications hub. In the meantime, you might want to put aside your food, water, safe light source and other comforts. Check in with your neighbors after the big event and see if anyone needs assistance. Good luck!”
I’ll be here if any animals suddenly become orphans and need help!
I’d like to clarify your article that Harold Camping appears to be a “self proclaimed” Christian radio host.
He’s already proven that from a Biblical point of view he’s a false prophet.
See ya tomorrow.
I’m bummed! I’ve been trying so hard to be good in the eyes of God. And here it is at the end of the day of rapture and I’m still he
@E30, indeed. Glad to see you around the ‘hood soon!
@Michael, we’ll miss you, buddy.
This is cute,
Thanks, Steve. Love it!