Not the stadium wave (good riddance, no offense). I mean that friendly little gesture the other motorist gives you after you courteously pull over on a narrow Wallingford street to make room for him or her to go by in the other direction.
This used to be absolutely compulsory under the super-strict–Seattle-civility code. It didn’t matter if it was in the middle of the night, if the other driver only had one arm, was in the middle of a raging argument, or if you were actually pulling over to park. They always gave you that friendly wave. And although small, it was a cornerstone affirmation that we still care enough to acknowledge each other in a kind human way while behind the wheel of a 5,000 pound vehicle.
No more. Lately driving around the streets of Wallingford, I notice the percentage of drivers giving me “the wave” has gone down alarmingly. I don’t know if it’s a influx of newcomers who “don’t know the rules” or a further erosion of our social graces? I’ve tried to compensate by preemptive waving myself to prompt them to do so (this seldom works but makes me feel better – although, what am I thanking them for? allowing me to pull over for them?). Have you guys noticed the same thing? Do you mind not getting “the wave”, are you one of those who have decided to skip it because it’s not important? Believe me, it’s important. To me at least.
Don’t get me started on drivers’ behavior at Pedestrian Crosswalks.
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I absolutely DO mind not getting the wave! I am happy to pull over for others on the narrow streets and as long as I get the wave, I continue to feel fine about the whole car in the street dance. However, when I don’t get a wave or a smile or a nod, I immediately start to feel annoyed that I bothered to be the one to pull over.
On this topic–how do people decide when to pull over and when it’s your turn to go through. I pull over if there is obviously space for me and not for the other car. I also pull over if I just turned onto a street and there’s another car already coming down the street. But what about when there’s room for both to pull out and no other obvious right of way–how do you decide? Just curious. I often pull over first even though the other driver could have done the same, and that’s when I get really annoyed for not getting the wave or nod.
This is alarming. I haven’t really noticed a flagging in the Wallingford Narrow Lane Pass Gratitude Wave (WNLPGW or “wanalapagrawa”), but I’m driving a lot less these days. Still and all, the WNLPGW is an indicator of the neighborhood’s civil health and its increasing absence bodes ill. I certainly would not further erode it by attempting to induce it from the “pullover position”. I think we can only continue to use it ourselves at all proper times. Keep in mind that it arose spontaneously out of the friendliness of the community. It will either survive or it won’t, and if it dies it will not be because we haven’t properly trained newcomers or failed to enact suitable ordinances. The wanalapagrawa is a reflection of who we are, not the cause. If we are becoming less friendly, that’s just the sad truth.
JR,
I feel your pain, but if we pull over and then have expectations, we only make ourselves miserable. Pull over if the other car was in the lane first. If in doubt about who has the right of way, pull over and look for your reward in heaven. Or don’t. But don’t forget to wave.
The disappearance of that social gratitude is the same social disrespect for other people’s property that has been discussed here lately.
I still see it often. Actually, I usually wave first whether passing or waiting. Most people wave back even if they look a little baffled, which seems like a good way to keep it propagating.
“… further erosion of our social graces …”
What’s rude or polite is relative to the area’s social norms, and social norms change.
It’s very much a non-issue, in my world. Wave or don’t, get waved at or not, makes no difference to me.
I live in the Tangletown/Meridian area. I always wave if passing and more often than not receive waves when being passed.
Being a Seattle native, the “wave” I sadly miss is the “Thank you for giving me room and letting me into your lane” wave such as when driving on I-5 & 99. I continue to wave, but rarely see it when I let others in my lane in front of me.
My experience is similar to Meridian’s: while The Wave may be in some decline, it still is there more often than not.
Also, let’s not forget that the wave is not restricted to car/car interactions. It’s quite handy for car/pedestrian encounters as well.
When driving and approaching a crosswalk or intersection, and noticing pedestrians waiting to cross, I slow down and give The Wave. It is almost always met with a smile and The Wave back. Instant Karma!
You’re onto something here, Helen. I have also seen a decline in The Wave as I pull over to let cars pass. It’s unsettling, I tell you, and what’s worse is that I’m afraid it’s gone by the wayside, along with the understanding of navigating THE TRAFFIC CIRCLE! I’ve seen two motorists exit their vehicles and nearly come to blows (!) about who was supposed to have right of way through a traffic circle; and this was the very same circle (Wallingford at 47th) where I was t-boned a few years back by someone who had forgotten the right of way rule.
But getting back to The Wave–yes, I am saddened by its decline. I hope that as I practice my good neighborly intentions and wave as I’m sitting there, letting the other car pass, I am also setting an example.
I have definitely noticed the decrease! The “wallingford wave” used to be one of my favorite things about living in the ‘hood. I’m originally from the south and really appreciate the little social graces (a friendly wave, holding the door open, saying hello when passing on the sidewalk). These little niceties among neighbors (which are rare in Seattle) used to set wallingford apart. C’mon, y’all….show some love.
I was just thinking about this the other day. I have noticed a decline in the wave. I have also noticed a decline in civil and law-abiding driving. I’m wondering if this is connected to the loss of driver’s ed in the schools? When I was a teenager, we all learned the same rules and laws in high school driver’s ed (not that high school driver’s ed was great, but it provided a base of knowledge). I think driver’s ed was stopped about 10 yrs ago, so it’s been years since there’s been some sort of place for everyone to learn the same rules. New drivers get taught by family members, or friends, and people don’t seem to know the basics (person on right has the right of way at uncontrolled intersections, etc.)
Since we are on the subject of narrow non-arterial streets – something else that perturbs me is the number of people in the neighborhood who sit parked on these streets with their driver’s side doors wide open blocking traffic. Common sense and courtesy would dictate that you would load/off load on the sidewalk side of the car. Or if you do have your door open, to close it when cars are trying to pass.
Has anyone else noticed this? I just don’t get the arrogance sometimes…
i feel like i’m in an episode of leave it to beaver when i read this blog.
I also miss the wave. I just noticed in the last week or two that I almost never get the wave anymore, although I always give it out when someone pulls over for me. Maybe it’s a generational thing. Maybe young folks are busy texting with their other hand. But even without the wave, people are still polite enough to pull over, so I’m grateful for that.
I always give the wave. i get it often.
I am however very upset with some people who walkinto crosswalks without looking with earphone sin or cellphones glued to their ears. It is yes! the responsibility of a car driver to stop fo rpedestrians.. BUT it is a pedestrians responsibility to look around befor ejust walking out in front of cars.
I was very upset Monday night about a woman in a pink top outside of the PO who walked off the curnb infront of my car as I was pulling into a parking place. She was reading her mail and talking on her phoen propped in her ear. She didnt pause or look.
STOP
LOOK
LISTEN
I don’t know about you all, but I still see the wave nine out of ten times. Maybe East Wallingford’s just friendlier.
For those who’ve not noticed:
There is an inverse relation between the amount of automobile use and the extent of civility.
The Wave lives – yes, less frequent, but given from my car at least and appreciated so much when it comes from others.
I imagine this is just a case of selective attention. (Sorry if I’m using that term wrong — I’m no psychology expert). People don’t tend to notice when things are going right; it’s only when things go wrong that people really pay attention. I doubt there’s been a real decline in the wave, just that you only remember the times people DON’T wave because it pisses you off.
My two cents: It’s nice when people acknowledge your small kindnesses, but we shouldn’t expect such things. Think of it as a bonus. We don’t act civilly because we expect rewards or even acknowledgment. We do it because it’s nice.
Before coaching people on the wave can we first work with people to ensure everyone knows how to merge properly in Seattle? [Hint: merging onto the freeway doing 45mph is not the way it’s done]
*Wave*
I really miss the wave too… so sad. Civility IS important. But what really ‘drives’ me crazy is when two cars meet at a roundabout and the driver on the left doesn’t let the driver on the right go first. This is crazy. That’s the rule. Doesn’t anyone know this? Let’s all try harder to be polite. Please!!
Ditto!!! I MISS the wave and the social graces! Please go on about allowing a pedestrian at a crosswalk to cross the street. Love that roundabouts are brought up in the replies! While we are at it how about 5 way intersections, do people need to learn how to take turns again? I wave a friendly hello to you Helen! Thanks!
I usually don’t wave, unless I’m going the wrong way down a one way street. Then I don’t mind so much as long as I don’t have to make eye contact.
Ive moved beyond the wave.. and gone with the peace sign.. which can easily be converted to a single middle digit if called for.. KIDDING!.. (sorta)
Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that these people ARE driving 5000 pound vehicles and feel that the roads belong entirely to them, and that we lesser folks should kow-tow to them always. Of course, in reality, the bigger the car, the more insecure the driver.
I have not collected data on the frequency of the wave [in situations where the wave is indicated], nor have I performed analyses looking for associations with wave frequency and vehicular gross weight (hypothesized above as perhaps being inversely related), average miles driven per capita, or likelihood of automobile use per trip completed (also hypothesized above as being inversely related). The temporal association suggested between cessation of driver’s education in HS and possible wave frequency decline is interesting, although the original post suggests that possible wave frequency decline is a more recent phenomenon than the loss of HS-based driver’s ed.
It is quite possible that there is observer bias of some sort as suggested by the discrepancy between anecdotal reports of wave frequency, though it is not clear that there is good inter-observer agreement as to the situations where the wave is indicated, sample sizes may differ markedly, and East Wallingford may in fact be “nicer” than the West Wallingford “mean streets”.
Social contracts are expectation-based and indeed rely on reinforcement to remain “norms” (in contrast to people with the name “Norman”, who may remain “Norms” without reinforcement). But release of expectations at the individual level offers a better chance for positive karma (better than being hit by one) and moving into inner peace, which still can be converted to “the bird” by focusing on another person’s wrong.
I’ll keep waving and using the peace sign (I do both), wearing pink tops and smiling a lot. Peace, out.
on a related note.. i just saw on the news that today is “drive nice day” i think that would include the wave!
on the subject of traffic circles: if one is on the right and has the right of way, please don’t stop and wave the driver on the left to go on, just to be nice. You just defeated the purpose, and will be the subject of severe scowling and frantic “WTF?” gesturing.
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Not all traffic circles are created equal. One that is not is at 52nd & Wallingford, which has yield signs in the east & west directions.
Steve
It’s now out with “the wave” and in with the “thumbs-up.”
::waves::
Has anyone seen the TV commercial with the drivers at an intersection? “You go..” “No, you go…” “No, you…”
That’s Wallingford. Specifically, that’s the intersection of 40th and Latona, except for the old guy who always blows through the intersection with his arm out the window and middle finger extended. 🙂
THANK YOU, neighbors, for your wise and thoughtful comments. I’ve enjoyed myself and learned something reading them. Big *Virtual WAVES* to you all! –Helen
I was just talking about the “Wallingford Wave” the other day and here it is being talked about! I think those who know The Wave have a duty to “teach” all these new guys to use it! Wow. There are so many new people … and new babies!!! ‘course, I’ve been here more than 40 years.
And for JMW; I have a big car for my disability scooter (and my dog crates). I sure wish I didn’t! But occasionally, things are not what they seem ….
@Imaginary Friend: Yes! Love that commercial!
Helen, this is a worthwhile observation even though it may seem trivial to some. We rarely have an opportunity to practice civility in traffic, and when we get it, we like to exercise it. I’m running about 30 percent NOT responding to my wave. Too bad for them. They even get a genuine smile when I feel like giving it. Wave on!
Please! Since when do any Seattle people give the wave?? I never see people giving a wave, its more of the passive-aggressive Seattle BS. I give the wave but I’m not a native of Seattle.
Um, re roundabouts, the rule is to yield to traffic in the circle, which means yielding to the car coming from the LEFT, not the right.
http://www.wsdot.wa.gov/safety/roundabouts/
I don’t think its all the “new-comers” that aren’t giving the wave. I’m from the East Coast and I always give the wave, always. I almost always got a wave back on the East Coast when I let someone switch lanes or gave them the right of way. I noticed when I moved here that I hardly ever get a wave for letting people by and being nice. Generally in a street situation I’m always the one to pull over. I don’t usually mind but if its never going to be acknowledged, why bother? On a similar note, if you are passing someone on a sidewalk and they smile or say hello it is usually nice to acknowledge that as well. Is a smile back or a hello going to kill you? I will give Seattle people this, I can smile and say hello and be completely ignored but if my dog wags his tail at them, he gets much love back. Dog good, people bad. Seriously, I smile and say hello and the person ignores me but will lean over to my dog and talk to him and pet him. Its really outrageous.
@Burg: I believe as far as the law is concerned, the intersections throughout Wallingford are considered “Uncontrolled Intersections” and not technically roundabouts.
See the law here:
http://tinyurl.com/2fackk9
I also always give The WallyWave and 9 out of 10 times I get one in return.
For me, The Wave is more than just a courtesy, it is me saying “I see you and acknowledge that you are pulling over/proceeding through this one-lane road – you see me too, right? Please don’t hit me.”
Thought this group might be interested in this post on Civility in America. Full disclosure: The survey was conducted by my employer. I don’t mean to shill, but it does seem apropos.
Snip:
How would you describe the general tone and level of civility in each of the areas listed below?
… Traffic on roads/highways: 69% said “uncivil,” 24% said “civil”
No word on civility trends over time 🙂
http://allaboutadvocacy.com/2010/06/23/civility-in-america/