Wallyhood to Shut Down, Sell Assets

It came as a shock to all of us here at wallyhood to learn, late last night, that the lease on our office space would not be renewed, contrary to expectations. As a consequence, this blog — now in its 16th year – will shut down, effective immediately, unless and until new office space can be secured. No new posts will be forthcoming, and all office furnishings will be sold off with proceeds to go towards a new lease, if one can be found.

Many readers will wonder why a blog, of all things, requires office space – especially in this age of remote work. In fact, the production of wallyhood is much more low-tech than you might imagine. Writers are often instructed to type their stories into our “wordpress site” and naturally assume that they are published directly from there. In fact, the stories are then retyped by our office manager, Mrs. Trimble, on her beloved Smith-Corona typewriter. The hard copies are then scanned on a flatbed scanner, and the images are posted to wallyhood.org. While we’re not sure what the advantage of this elaborate and archaic process is, it’s good work for Mrs. Trimble.

Wallyhood has long maintained a modest office space behind Murphy’s Pub, accessed via a hard-to-see (some would say “secret”) door off the rear patio. While it’s only just large enough for me to lie flat in if I remove my shoes and shave off my hair, it’s sufficient to house all of our office equipment, furniture and the ever-present Mrs. Trimble. Best of all, it’s just a stone’s throw from the dumpsters where all the discarded food from Murphy’s ends up. Yum!

We had been led to believe that, in spite of the possible sale of the building housing our office space, we would be allowed to carry on our existence not unlike the Up house of Ballard fame. But such was not to be.

While the volunteer editors and writers will likely find their ways back to their paying jobs, the closure of the blog will be most keenly felt by Mrs. Trimble, the blog’s only paid employee. Said Trimble, “I so enjoyed my time at wallywood! The challenge and variety in the work was amazing. The typing, the printing, the scanning, changing typewriter ribbons … And the proximity to beer at Murphy’s always kept me chugging along – if you’ll pardon the pun!”

The following items are for sale. Make your best offer!

• Flatbed scanner (1)
• Smith-Corona typewriter (1)
• Fax machines (2)
• Herman Miller Aeron chairs (4)
• Professional editorial library including: Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary, Roget’s Thesaurus, Vlasic’s 101 Pickle Jokes
• Paper (27 reams)
• Assorted writing utensils: pencils, pens, chalk, crayons

And if you think we can afford office equipment, let alone office space, then you probably don’t realize that it’s April Fools Day.