Retiring in Wallingford: How Did I Collect All This “Stuff”?

If you are new to my Retiring in Wallingford series, let me share that when I retired, I moved across the country on a plane with two kitties to live near my daughter. I shipped a few boxes of my must-haves through UPS and started over. Since I was moving into a 550 square foot studio apartment, I went to thrift stores and consignment shops to round out my decor. In my career, I owned a couple of small businesses, one in real estate and another called Redesign for Seniors, through which I served as a Certified Aging in Place Specialist (CAPS) through the National Homebuilders Association.

Spending a lifetime creating a home, I collected items that were special to my family, keeping all those personal items of mine, and also those of my grown children, who moved out and left me with the special stuff from their childhood and tweens, including posters and books. When they were younger, I was great at passing on their clothes and toys. We moved around a bit, and my instinct was to allow other children to enjoy what was no longer loved and played with, as my children grew and moved on to other things. (This is now to the chagrin of my oldest daughter, who called me up when she was in her 20s and told me all her Star Wars items from the 80s that I gave away were worth a lot of money!) Somewhere along the line, I stopped passing things along and kept different items that brought me joy at the time.

Fast forward to pre-retirement, when I was thinking about what my next chapter would look like. I not only had stuff that made my home feel like me, but I also had a small office attached to my 125-year-old Victorian, and a lot of space to store all those special pieces. I had downsized once, when I separated from my partner, and had found this wonderful two-family home for me and my two dogs. I went from a 2,500 square foot home to 1,000 square feet of living space. Being a real estate broker, I knew what I needed to do to downsize, although I still moved with all my younger daughter’s stuff after she had gone off to graduate school and was living on her own in Seattle. I was still the curator of her precious books, comic books, DVDs, art, and a few other treasures. I finally had that important conversation and started to ship her boxes to her, so that she could decide on their final destination. I was slowly transforming my space to be just about me. But of course I still had my attached office, with all those files and tax information that you feel like you have to keep forever.

When we make the decision to downsize from our larger home, the one that housed all those memories, collections, and furniture that fit our home decor, it is a large task that requires a lot of preparation and thought. I first recommend that you think about your next move. Will it be local and just smaller? Will you buy another home, or will you rent in your current location? Will you move across country, like I did, into a smaller place and bring your pets? Will you finally move to your favorite dream location? No matter what decision you make, you will most likely need to declutter your home to sell it, and also downsize the amount of stuff that you will choose to bring with you on your next adventure.

My first home after college was in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where my husband found his first job and we moved as a family into an apartment. We were native Floridians, and the apartment building was full of New Yorkers who had retired there and were living their dream. Many of my neighbors were surprised to actually meet a native, since everyone in our building was from the Northeast. I learned that many of them sold or gave away all their dark wood furniture, and had bought what I called “Florida furniture” to start their new life, retiring where they no longer had to own a snow blower. The ones that paid for moving all of their furniture quickly got rid of it, and created their new life with a lighter and brighter motif. My recommendation to anyone thinking about moving to a sunny beach location is to think about whether you want to bring everything you have with you when you move. In many beach areas, retirement properties actually sell their places furnished, which can be helpful.

Another popular decision when downsizing is to move near grown children, and possibly grandchildren, versus the children coming home to where they grew up, unless that area continues to grow and has jobs. Whatever the reason, if you decide to sell a larger home and move into something smaller, you are going to have to get rid of some of your lifetime collection of “stuff.” This is the hard part, and I suggest you start at least a couple of years before you make that move, whether to your lifelong dream location or just an apartment around the corner.

Where do you start? It is so much less stressful to eat the elephant one bite at a time. I recommend going through your home and snapping photos of each room, which is something one should do anyway for insurance purposes, in case you need to make a claim and prove what you have. After doing that, think about tackling the hardest spaces first. Usually, this is where you keep all the stuff you do not currently use. For me, it was my basement, garage, and attic. I started in my garage in order to make room for what I would be taking out of the house. I lived alone and no longer did much lawn care myself, so it was smart to have some garage sales. I got my neighborhood involved because it is so much better and more fun to have a group event versus just one sale in the neighborhood. This is the time to be ruthless: no going back, you are really going to do it. Until you unload all that “stuff,” you will not be able to move on to that new adventure. Once I got the garage somewhat cleared out, I continued in the basement. By allowing yourself time, you start to embrace the possibilities of this new life with less, and you actually start to feel lighter. Remember, you are making that first swipe of a room, and when it is closer to the time of your move, you may get rid of even more. Try to be kind to yourself, and to your family and friends who may not understand how hard this really is. I watched so many of my clients go through this way before I did, so I learned from all of them how to handle the loss of parts of my life that were no longer meaningful.

Remember, if you tackle this yourself, you are in control of where your “stuff” goes. In my real estate career, I had a lot of grown kids call me to list their parents’ homes after they died. We would walk through the house, seeing all their parents’ belongings from a lifetime, and the kid in charge would say to me, “I want all of this just gone, it is not my or my siblings’ taste. Is there a junk person who can come take it all away?” It broke my heart that it was just a burden to them, with no thought other than to take it to the dump. I would try to find a good home for the furniture and household goods. I would donate to a local domestic violence or homeless shelter, Salvation Army, or anybody who works with folks who are starting over with nothing, and clearly would appreciate these things. We are so lucky to have Buy Nothing groups here in Wallingford to pass along things to others who are thrilled with the new-to-me item.

There are also professionals out there who can help folks declutter and downsize. They can make recommendations about those difficult decisions to let go of things that are no longer needed or wanted, and do it in a sustainable way, versus adding to the landfill. This may feel impossible, but I assure you it will be the gift you give your children and your friends to make a plan for your “stuff.” There are many websites that have great ideas for downsizing for seniors, including this one. Let me know if you have other alternatives for giving away or selling your “stuff” as you downsize in preparation for the next chapter in the book of your life.