Yesterday, we reported on the mysterious “King of Wallingford” cards spotted around the neighborhood. Today, Wallyhood scoops all major news sources by being the first to reveal the true identity of this mystery monarch. In a moment barely paralleled since the revelation that Mark Felt was Deep Throat, we received a message from Evan Roberston himself, claiming the throne. The story?
The whole label of “King of Wallingford,” stemmed from a night of drinking beer and pondering what we would do if we were to win a large lottery pot. With the prospect of being a multimillionaire, most of the people hanging around the living room that night regaled us with fantasies of tropical places or penthouses in new york, typical mid 20 year old’s ideal situations, but I leaned towards a bit more eccentric millionaire stance and announced I would stay right here in Wallingford (’cause we all know it’s the most pleasant place there is), buy an entire block, build a castle, and parade around with a crown, cape and scepter, and become the self appointed King of Wallingford.
Was ever a more regal story told? New York? Nah! Paris? Perish the thought! Wallingford? Wonderful!
Having established his royal credentials, we queried the King about his plans for his kingdom. It seems he plans to rule with a gentle hand:
- potato wedges and corn dogs at qfc will be discounted 50% for the king and his council.
- Molly Moon’s will make a black licorice flavor in the king’s honor, or possibly a gummi bear infused chocolate.
Commendable. Not all citizens of Wallingford stand to fare so well, though:
- Lincoln high school, in addition to the Sea Monster will no longer exist, for terribly obvious reasons.
In our own version of “Meet the Press”, we posed the following question to the King: “If Phinney and Ridge Fremont went to war, who would you side with, and why?” The question, of course, has no “right” answer, but is intended to gauge the candidate’s depth and savvy. The King’s answer reflect both his intellect and his profound understanding of our neighbors:
i would definitely side with phinney ridge, as much as i enjoy the rueben at roxy’s and the humbow at yak’s, the south end of fremont has turned into the new belltown. the bars are awful and have the worst patrons. although i hear the red door has a cribbage tournament on tuesdays. i essentially would appropriate from the buckaroo north, on fremont ave, in the name of wallingford, ’cause pesao’s has some tasty sandwiches, and i could probably enlist some sort of royal discount at american music.
Certainly no man more deserves to parade around with a crown, cape and scepter than you, sir.